When it comes to time management, we rarely think about the necessity of neglect. We like to think that we can fit everything in, thus rendering neglect unnecessary. In fact, we are sold the idea that there is a strategy out there for getting everything done. Unfortunately, that’s often a fool’s errand and leads to burnout and shame. We aren’t supposed to get everything done, and that’s what gives value to the things we do complete.
In the book Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, Oliver Burkeman defines the effectiveness of a time management system as this: does it help you neglect the right things?
This question—insightful as it may be—might seem too abstract to be helpful. Or at the very least, it requires some backstory. So let’s step back for a moment and provide some context.
When it comes to time management, we often don’t think of discarding things that are put before us. Instead we often unquestionably take them on and bend over backward to get them done. It’s part of the narrative we are sold, both from external forces as well as from internal drives. But it needn’t be this way. While we sometimes can get to everything, that doesn’t make doing everything worthwhile.
And then there are times when we feel we can’t get to anything.
Both of these instances require us to step back and re-examine the validity of everything life asks of us.
Neglect Some of the Rocks
The idea of equating your to-do list to rocks is exemplified in the book First Things First, by Stephen Covey. Readers of this book learn to identify tasks in their life as rocks, pebbles, or sand. Rocks are the big, important things we ought to prioritize. Pebbles are less important but still require some attention. And sand is the least important of them all. Covey outlines this order for prioritizing your to-do list so that you can complete everything that needs to be done. From the book, he uses a large, glass jar in which all of the items can fit. But only by following this order: rocks first, pebbles second, sand third. Mixing up this order results in material that doesn’t fit into the jar.
The problem is that this demonstration is artificial. Yes, it is helpful in understanding that you can fit more in by effective prioritization. But it is misleading in assuming that effective prioritization allows you to fit everything in. Life, unlike the experiment, is chaotic. Sometimes you can fit all of the large rocks in the glass jar. Oftentimes, you can’t.
Therefore, when you ask yourself how you’re going to fit everything into your schedule, it’s usually the wrong question. Instead, ask yourself if everything can fit in the first place. If it can’t, there’s no point in trying to make it do so, which requires neglecting some things to get to others.
Burkeman confronts the idea of fitting everything into the glass jar (your life) by saying:
The real problem of time management today, though, isn’t that we’re bad at prioritizing the big rocks. It’s that there are too many rocks—and most of them are never making it anywhere near that jar. The critical question isn’t how to differentiate between activities that matter and those that don’t, but what to do when far too many things feel at least somewhat important, and therefore arguably qualify as big rocks.
Conclusion
Time management is an elusive thing. Just when we feel like we’ve got it figured out, an enormous volume breaks free and avalanches toward us. It’s times like these when we scramble, stress, and just try to survive. And it’s often a product of our own making.
When things come our way, we believe it is our job to indiscriminately take each one on and complete them in a timely, satisfactory manner. An entire industry of proclaimed self-help and time management gurus caters to this desire. And while there is some value in improving our ability to be productive, it is often overvalued. Solely being good at getting this done without discernment as to whether it’s worth getting done in the first place is like being a thoroughbred racehorse at the Kentucky Derby without a jockey. Yes, the raw horsepower is there. But it’s unguided.
Instead, ask yourself: do I need to do all of this? Can it actually fit in the glass jar that is my life? Or should I neglect some things? If so, be objective about all the responsibilities in your life and cut the ones that aren’t as important as the others. Turn responsibility for the extra items over to others who have the capacity to perform them and balance the workload. Doing so not only reduces your stress but also allows others to contribute to various causes, which in turn enriches interpersonal dynamics.
Remember: be selective. Neglect the right things. And live life to the fullest doing what truly matters and what can realistically be done.
