Using role models effectively can fast track our personal growth. We are social creatures who learn from our tribe members; when we see others who are successful, we strive to emulate them in the hopes that we too can experience success. Conversely, we shy away from what the troubled members do for fear of falling into their same misfortunes. But like anything, we can take this practice too far. Maybe somewhat ironically, our efforts to produce success can cause failure when they are misguided. Unfortunately, it can be all too easy to become misguided.
Starting with the definition, we see that a common meaning of a role model is “a person looked to by others as an example to be imitated.” This is problematic because that definition is incomplete. Yet we can see its prevalence throughout society. From Tiger Woods to Justin Bieber, Bill Cosby to Elizabeth Holmes, and Lance Armstrong to Oscar Pistorius, there are numerous figures who are, or have been, role models for many. But as we can see from the list above, all these people are flawed. Some are highly flawed. This isn’t to say that they can’t be role models. But we first have to complete the definition of a role model.
A role model—an effective one anyways—is someone who exemplifies a certain characteristic, trait, or skill that is admirable, impressive, or useful. It is that characteristic, trait, or skill that we should study to uncover the secrets of their success in whatever arena they perform. For Tiger Woods, we can watch how he practices on the golf course and make note of how he navigates it. There are other traits of his however, that we’d do well to avoid. That goes for any role model for that matter. We must recognize that people, all people, have flaws to varying degrees and thus requires us to discount their brilliance commensurate with their imperfections.
Historical Role Models
Historical figures command our interest with the hardships they endured, inventions they created, and their overall impact on the world. But they come under attack for their less fashionable ideas. This is where it is important to understand the purpose of role models and how to effectively use them. Norms change; what was once generally acceptable is now no longer so. The environment plays a big role in the shaping of one’s beliefs and behaviors and therefore needs to be considered when trying to understand who someone is.
Just because someone has outdated beliefs in one area does not mean that they cannot be a role model in other areas. They are not mutually exclusive. When we fail to realize this, we shunt off examples from which we can learn and grow. Looking only for flawless people to emulate will yield a minuscule list indeed.
The American Founding Fathers are a good example of this. By today’s standards, they were racist, sexist, and prejudiced against various groups. But they created the United States of America and a democracy that was novel in the monarchical times of Europe. Like themselves, their new country’s framework was not perfect. It was therefore vital that their creation be flexible, allowing for edits and recalculations along the way. That’s the vein in which we can use them as role models. Not for slavery. Not for women’s rights. But for creating a more fair government.
The Limitation of Role Models
Commonly, extreme examples of success are the ones we select as our role models. But as Morgan Housel says in The Psychology of Money, that is dangerous. The extremes are statistically unlikely to apply to many of our situations.
Studying a specific person can be dangerous because we tend to study extreme examples—the billionaires, the CEOs, or the massive failures that dominate the news—and extreme examples are often the least applicable to other situations, given their complexity. The more extreme the outcome, the less likely you can apply its lessons to your own life, because the more likely the outcome was influenced by extreme ends of luck or risk.
This isn’t to say that we cannot learn from extreme examples. In fact, we’ll examine a few extreme examples below. The problem arises, however, when we fail to account for the extremity of that person and their situation when compared to ourselves and much of the world.
Examples of Role Model Limitations
We’ll start with one of the most extreme examples: Adolf Hitler. Believe it or not, Hitler was a role model for many people at one point in time. But what can we learn from him today? First, we can study his behaviors and those of the general populace that allowed him to rise to autocratic rule. By studying these behaviors, we will hopefully be better able to identify dangerous individuals and groups in the future. Second, Hitler was a skilled orator. We can study his speeches to discover what made him such an effective speaker and how he elicited strong emotional responses from his audiences. Although Hitler used his speaking skills for nefarious means, those skills can be used for good as well.
Contrasting Hitler, let’s examine Jay Gatsby from The Great Gatsby. An alluring and mysterious millionaire (back when millionaires weren’t the norm) who seemingly has it all—the mansion, the money, the parties—Gatsby is someone who has admirers both inside and outside the pages of the book. Imagine what it would be like to have his wealth and power! What if we could cultivate and influence our image to the degree he has?
But as we progress through the book, we start to see beyond Gatsby’s veneer. Despite his financial success and toys, he is a troubled individual fixated on an opportunity that has passed him by. That opportunity was a relationship with Daisy, and winning her from her husband Tom is Gatsby’s guiding light. In his blind pursuit of Daisy, Gatsby sacrificed what little he had of actual value, namely his family and morals. The ramifications of his sacrifices become apparent after he is killed. No one except for his neighbor and father attended the funeral. Is that the sign of a life well-lived? Is that someone we should aspire to be like?
Now let’s return to reality with someone who has wealth far exceeding Gatsby and many times more admirers. Born and mostly raised in Nebraska, Warren Buffett has become one of the wealthiest people in the world. And it is precisely because of his success and admiration that people would say that they want to be like Buffett. Many people envy him, just like they envy Jay Gatsby and other successful people. That’s a major downside to having role models: they can create envy.
Envy is a really stupid sin because it’s the only one you could never possibly have any fun at. There’s a lot of pain and no fun. Why would you want to get on that trolley?
Charlie Munger
Envying Role Models
Being envious of role models of success is a natural tendency. We want what they have! Or at least we think we do. When envy strikes, we are often only looking at part of the picture. Take Buffett for example. There is more to him and his success than the empire that is Berkshire Hathaway and the billions of dollars he’s accumulated. All of that came at a cost.
In The Snowball, by Alice Schroeder, we can glimpse behind the curtain of Buffett’s life and see what he gave up to get to where he is today. Namely, that was his family. He’d get the next day’s newspaper delivered the night before and would stay cooped up in his study for hours on end instead of spending time with his family. His wife, who the book described as the love of his life, couldn’t handle it and left.
While selectivity is an effective strategy for picking specific traits to emulate, it is detrimental when envy comes into the picture. Certain traits cannot be envied à la carte style. To combat envy, we have to take the whole person into consideration because they arguably wouldn’t have gotten to where they are today without taking the path they did.
That’s exactly what Craig Wright talks about doing with his genius class at Yale in his book The Hidden Habits of Genius. Wright says that he takes stock of his class at the beginning of the semester by asking who wants to be a genius. Most of the class raise their hand in affirmation. At the end of the semester—after learning holistically about geniuses throughout history such as Picasso, Beethoven, Charles Darwin, Marie Curie, and Steve Jobs—he asks his class the question again. This time, almost no one raises their hand. The same goes for Buffett or Gatsby: after knowing more about their lives and what they’ve lost, who wants to be like them now?
Role Models Have Role Models
Role models had role models. Have you ever thought of that? It’s a fascinating thing to consider and it’s another tactic for contextualizing those society looks up to. Abraham Lincoln, for example, is a figure that many people revere. As a young man, he read voraciously and held intellectual conversations with many to expedite his growth. He also rubbed shoulders with well-known politicians and lawyers of the day. One of which became his role model: Henry Clay.
In Lincoln’s Mentors: The Education of a Leader, Michael Gerhardt recounts Lincoln’s evolution from idolizing Henry Clay to a more mature Lincoln who viewed Clay as a mortal with strengths and weaknesses. Gerhardt illustrates the progress Lincoln made once he contextualized where Clay succeeded and where he fell short. That was the same for Lincoln with other notable figures, including Andrew Jackson, Zachary Taylor, John Todd Stuart, and Orville Browning. It is arguably from these people (among others) and Lincoln’s disciplined practice of scientific observation that he learned the skills necessary to lead the country through one of its most trying times. Lincoln mastered how to effectively use role models.
Conclusion
Role models are just like the rest of us: ordinary yet unique people. What makes them stand out is an extraordinary trait accentuated to such a degree that it becomes difficult to ignore. This spotlight aimed at the extraordinary parts of a person often blinds us to seeing the whole picture. But we must endeavor to see beyond what the spotlight illuminates to grasp people in their entirety. People are rarely wholly good or bad and we must reject temptations to view them as such. Embrace the nuance.
Nuance is the antidote to envy. As Charlie Munger said, it is not beneficial to envy. But we shouldn’t confuse envy with desire. Desire, unlike envy, can be useful. If we didn’t desire anything, we would be stagnant. The right amount of desire, when steered in the right direction, pushes us forward and promotes growth.
When envy is at bay, we can maximize the effectiveness of role models through selectivity. We don’t want to reproduce every behavior a role model has. We should only look to a role model for a specific characteristic, skill, or trait that is desirable to master. If we couldn’t selectively pick and choose portions of people to be like, we would have a very small list of candidates who could qualify as role models. People are flawed. While they may have certain admirable qualities, they likely have less admirable qualities too. It is only the admirable qualities we wish to emulate that we should select for study. The rest should be identified and avoided.
